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View Full Version : If an architect had to put up with the same shit us web designers have to...


Craysh
June 22nd, 2007, 03:21 PM
Originally posted at: http://biznik.com/biztalk/digg_this.html

Dear Mr. Architect:

Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you should use your discretion. My house should have somewhere between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final decision of what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdown for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.

Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you correct all the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls don't have nearly enough insulation in them).

As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly maintenance costs as low as possible. This should mean the incorporation of extra-cost features like aluminum, vinyl, or composite siding. (If you choose not to specify aluminum, be prepared to explain your decision in detail.)

Please take care that modern design practices and the latest materials are used in construction of the house, as I want it to be a showplace for the most up-to-date ideas and methods. Be alerted, however, that kitchen should be designed to accommodate, among other things, my 1952 Gibson refrigerator.

To insure that you are building the correct house for our entire family, make certain that you contact each of our children, and also our in-laws. My mother-in-law will have very strong feelings about how the house should be designed, since she visits us at least once a year. Make sure that you weigh all of these options carefully and come to the right decision. I, however, retain the right to overrule any choices that you make.

Please don't bother me with small details right now. Your job is to develop the overall plans for the house: get the big picture. At this time, for example, it is not appropriate to be choosing the color of the carpet.

However, keep in mind that my wife likes blue.

Also, do not worry at this time about acquiring the resources to build the house itself. Your first priority is to develop detailed plans and specifications. Once I approve these plans, however, I would expect the house to be under roof within 48 hours.

While you are designing this house specifically for me, keep in mind that sooner or later I will have to sell it to someone else. It therefore should have appeal to a wide variety of potential buyers. Please make sure before you finalize the plans that there is a consensus of the population in my area that they like the features this house has. I advise you to run up and look at my neighbor's house he constructed last year. We like it a great deal. It has many features that we would also like in our new home, particularly the 75-foot swimming pool. With careful engineering, I believe that you can design this into our new house without impacting the final cost.

Please prepare a complete set of blueprints. It is not necessary at this time to do the real design, since they will be used only for construction bids. Be advised, however, that you will be held accountable for any increase of construction costs as a result of later design changes.

You must be thrilled to be working on as an interesting project as this! To be able to use the latest techniques and materials and to be given such freedom in your designs is something that can't happen very often. Contact me as soon as possible with your complete ideas and plans.

PS: My wife has just told me that she disagrees with many of the instructions I've given you in this letter. As architect, it is your responsibility to resolve these differences. I have tried in the past and have been unable to accomplish this. If you can't handle this responsibility, I will have to find another architect.

PPS: Perhaps what I need is not a house at all, but a travel trailer. Please advise me as soon as possible if this is the case..

Damarus
June 23rd, 2007, 05:29 AM
Lol I could point out a lot of those points that actually occur as an architect, and some that have selected elements of design that are slightly out of context to what they are referring to, but I won't. I understand the overall effect of the article and lol, sucks to be a web designer sometimes by the sounds of it :(

Craysh
June 23rd, 2007, 01:42 PM
The client wanted a website about bands:
[client] I want you to do the logo like mp3.com, but not so dont get in trouble.
[me] Uhh... ok
next day
[me] Here, how are these... they don't look too similar but convey the same feel.
[client] What? You haven't done much??!...
(he contacted me at 11pm the night before, and had expected me to have produced a couple of layouts, and 10-20 logos or something ridiculous. this was as a freelance thing, so i did it all in spare time).
[client] ok. well I'm sending the list of bands today, can you put them all on the front page in a list down the sides.
[me] Uhh, dont you thi...
[client] just do it!!.
[me] ok.
(made a few layouts)
[client] ok, i like this one, but can you make the background light yellow instead of light grey?
[me] well, that would unba...
[client] look! you make what we tell you!

well this went on a while longer with similar consequences.

[client] ok, can you put a drawn picture of me and my partner dressed in business suits looking funky talking on phones and stuff?
[me] well we dont really do drawings, but i'll see what we can do. do you have any photos of you for reference?
[client] no, but i have black hair and brown eyes, and James (his partner) has brown hair and brown eyes.
[me] great.
(more time)
[client] ok, so how is the content going?
[me] I'm still waiting for you to send it.
[client] well, i gave you the list...
[me] right. so you want the band title and nothing else on each page?
[client] no! i want you to get a photo of each band as a group, and then seperately of each of the membembers, write a short history of the band an...
[me] stop.
[client] why? we're paying you!!!
[me] yes, but we design websites we don't write the content.
[client] you make websites.
[me] we design websites, you write content.
[client] ok, $200 off the price
[me] we are only charging you $250 (!!)
[client] well yeah, i mean making pictures isnt hard.
[client] oh yeah, i dont like that picture of us either
[client] it should look like this *Printout*
[me] thats a piece of clipart
[client] yeah. make some.
[me] you expect all this for when?
[client] next weekend (this was wednesday)
[me] yes, as i suspected. you want all this for $50? in this timeframe?
[client] yup
[me] thats not possible
[client] my way or the high way!
[me] this contract is terminated.
then we discovered the pair were aged 12 & 13 ARGH!!!!

i also had another one

[client] can i use some images off you're webpage?
[me] what for? wouldnt you rather us design a proper site for you?
[client] oh yes? you do that?
[me] did you actually read the site or just look at the images?
[client] ahh, yes, i couldnt remeber which HomePage it was.
<ARG>
[client] well, ok, can you do one for us. i want it like sony.com
[me] what products are you selling? what kind of business do you run
[client] ***
[me] ok, what sections would you like you page split up into?
[client] like sony.com
[me] oook. that number, in that style?
[client] yeah, just like sony.com
[me] ok. i have to go now.
a while later after a string more of like-sony.com's we decided that the deal was not going to well and gave up.

Finally, this fucker

I used to do a basic site layout for our mock ups that was fully functional. put it up on our test server and then give the client access and I did this for a particular client.
Called them about 3 days after they had time to review it and ask about their impression.
Me: Hey, how are you today?
client: Great, got really drunk last night.
Me: Cool, have you guys gone over our mock site?
client: Yeah, but we don't think we're going to use you guys anymore. We'll use your buyout and let our designers finish it.
Me: I didn't think you had any designers that's why you called us.
client: Well we didn't either, but this guy here did something just like yours and he won't charge us anything.
Me: Did he put it up for you to look at it?
client: Yeah, it's just like yours. We had no idea he was that good.
ox: Oh really... could I get that link so I can see his work that's interesting.
client: sure here you go *link*
Went out to the site and the bastard just went into IE and did a little 'save as' and didn't even take out any of the code it adds.
I had a conference call with our lawyer and myself with the client. We didn't work with them anymore, but they didn't put that site up either.
I never imagined anyone would be soo brass to do something like that and think they could not get caught.

CharlieM
June 23rd, 2007, 04:00 PM
This is why when making websites for people, NEVER EVER FUCKING SHOW THEM THE CODE, in ANY CAPACITY until they have paid in FULL!!!

Take pictures of the main layout of the site, and core functions, and host the pics.
Have a sit down and a chat with the client, explain the pics, and get some feedback.

Only take to them source code when you can control who sees it and on which PC's it operates (ie. you take your laptop to show them a demo), but make sure it NEVER leaves your PC's.

Jeezus, a little self-protection can go a long way.

Craysh
June 24th, 2007, 05:49 PM
lmao that's not me man, I'm quoting all of this :P

Damarus
June 24th, 2007, 08:52 PM
Lol @ the 12 & 13 year olds... He must've conducted business solely via emails/instant messaging to have not known that :/ Otherwise damn those kids must have some droopy balls to put on a convincing voice.

MightyTagur
June 26th, 2007, 02:51 PM
I worked a newspaper briefly and caught a customer that wanted to plop American Gothic into their ad. LOL copyright.

just remember, the customer is the one who gives you MONEY. do as they please, and keep it ethical = win, set aside ego (far more easily said than done, but this is the key to making everything work out, not like L2 where you just PK).

your situation also relates to journalism: great stories lie within every person, you have to ask the right questions to find those stories. the customer isn't "stupid" they just don't know how to express themselves. You can see in their specific demands that they know what they want, however they are unable to express it properly. that is what separates businessmen from designers: two totally different languages and mental patterns. Larger design firms have a person who specializes in go=betweens. You don't have designers talking directly to clients do you? oO Disaster.

BLACK
June 26th, 2007, 04:52 PM
I'm sorry but pking whoever the fuck I wanted worked well for me in L2.

Grog
June 26th, 2007, 05:01 PM
I'm sorry but pking whoever the fuck I wanted worked well for me in L2.
like L2 where you just PK

i see no conflict, why so defencive black?

BLACK
June 26th, 2007, 05:23 PM
(far more easily said than done, but this is the key to making everything work out, not like L2 where you just PK).


:P

Grog
June 26th, 2007, 05:57 PM
she's saying it's not easy to do whatever she was talking about, NOT like l2 where you can pk. this simply implies that l2 is easy. easy works well for you doesn't it?

BLACK
June 26th, 2007, 06:14 PM
With all the incorrect grammar running rampant, it could have gone either way. That was a fucked up sentence and I furthermore decree that I will not make any further judgment until it is corrected.


http://img72.imageshack.us/img72/9664/ownagenl5.jpg

Grog
June 26th, 2007, 06:18 PM
so basically you skim read it and saw pk

BLACK
June 26th, 2007, 07:04 PM
I read the sentence. But that's pretty much it.

Zelandra
June 26th, 2007, 09:24 PM
Yea, I freaking hate about 98% of people I code websites for :<

That's also why I only do CSS and other "real" coding for 2% of my clients :3

Grog
June 27th, 2007, 05:28 AM
how much arch would and architect arch if an architect would arch archs?

BLACK
June 27th, 2007, 08:54 AM
Grog, do you wake up and smoke a bag of weed every day? LOL

Damarus
June 27th, 2007, 10:08 AM
It's a trick question. Architects don't arch archs; the archs are arched by the archs architects arch during arch arching.

Grog
June 27th, 2007, 01:23 PM
correct. the only thing an architect arches is tects

Damarus
June 27th, 2007, 08:37 PM
correct. the only thing an architect arches is tectsQFT!